This summer, we’ve talked about families – your family, the church family, Bible families, families general.  I believe that when there is peace & goondess in our families, it makes it easier to achieve peace & goodness in our communities & even among nations.  As our final hymn announces, “Let there be peace on Earth, & let it begin with me,” or at least, begin with my family.

Today, I want to talk about my family & the ministry of a church pastor.  It’s not my custom to talk about myself or my family from the pulpit.  Occasional anecdotes are in order, but not much more.  Sound preaching is about the Bible, the Trinity, & pointing you toward the Resurrected Christ.  It’s not about me.  That being said, perhaps by talking about life as a pastor, you can draw some parallels to your life & your family, or at least gain some insight into ministry, who your pastors are, who I am.    [Prayer.]

          This summer, Pastor Nancy & I have selected stories from Genesis that are either less familiar, or take familiar stories & present them in ways that draw different conclusions than one customarily hears. 

          You know many of the stories in the Abraham saga: Sodom & Gomorrah; Isaac’s miraculous birth; & Abraham’s near-sacrifice of his son.  Before all of those events occurred, Abram & Sarai & his nephew, Lot, set out from Ur, near present-day Kuwait, to move west.  They first go to northern Iraq (Haran), then to Bethel in Israel, then to Egypt, then back to Israel.  It is this last move to Israel that is today’s setting.

          Abram & Lot are both wealthy sheiks.  Their wealth is of such magnitude that the large tracts of land which they share cannot sustain them & their livestock.  Finding adequate resources becomes a divisive issue for the shepherds & other herdsmen charged with overseeing the flocks & herds. 

          [Some Bible scholars see the problem as being created by the men’s massive wealth.  I disagree.  I see it as a problem created by the persons charged with caring for the owners’ wealth.  Obviously, Abram & Lot amicably part company. Their riches not only remain intact, but grow considerably once they separate.  So, the possessions aren’t the issue. The issue is the caretakers.] 

Abram & Lot value family relationships so much that they are unwilling to let anyone damage those relationships.  (And) there is potential for the property caretakers & managers to negatively affect the high-quality relationship which Lot & Abram, & their families, have with one another. 

          The shepherds & herdsmen, do not set out to drive a wedge between Lot & Abram.  They are not being deliberately malicious.  They simply want to do their job right & the best way they know.  Inadvertently, though, their concerns run the risk of emotionally splitting up the families for whom they work.  So, Lot & Abram agree to establish a physical distance, so not to damage their emotional ties.  Wise!  They say, “If there’s not enough room, we’ll make room, & establish boundaries that will preserve the best about us & our relationship.”

          Do we let others get in the way of family?  Is the job or volunteer work getting in the way?  Has a friendship grown co-dependent?  Do we need to set better boundaries?  Whom do we value most – others or our family?  I cannot speak for you & how you manage these issues, but I can give personal testimony.

Please draw parallels to your life where fitting.

          When I began in ministry 21 years ago, taking a day off was largely unheard of for pastors.  The bishop at the time had instructed us to work 80 hours a week, as he had done when a pastor.  He made clear that if we wanted time with our spouses, we were to take them with us on hospital visits, something which he did in serving the local church.  I don’t know many pastors’ spouses who consider a sick call at the hospital to be a substitute for dinner & a movie.  (The kicker was, pastors who were working more than 80 hours a week, saw the bishop giving permission to cut back!)

I am thankful to have served with a senior pastor at the time who had three children & made it a point to be a husband & father, as well as a pastor.  He took ordination vows, yes, but he took marriage vows, too.  He honored both.  Jim MacMain made that aspect of ministry much easier for me & my new wife because he established a pattern that the congregation came to respect & appreciate.  Because he took care of himself & his family, the congregation learned that they got a better pastor.

          When my appointment at Morrisville ended after 28 months, the blue collar parishioners down the road apiece in Bristol had a different – more traditional – perspective on their pastor’s work schedule.  It was back to the 7-day week.  My customary day off did not set well with people.

          One woman loudly complained to me about this new thing called a day off.

          I asked her a question:  “Does the Bible apply to pastors, or only to laity?” 

“To everyone, of course,” she replied. 

“Then, two things: 1) shouldn’t I take a sabbath rest, as the 4^th Command-ment mandates? & 2) thinking of Paul’s instructions to Timothy, how can I be the husband of one wife & care for my (new) marriage, if I’m always working?

Or, as my colleague, Mark Moore succinctly put it: “How much interest is there when the plumber has an affair?  How about when the pastor has one?”

Maintaining those biblical standards is not always easy for me & my peers.

There was a day when clergy were the best insurance bargain in the industry.  We didn’t smoke, drink, & gamble, & seemingly lived as long & healthy as Methusalah’s 969 years.  Some denominations found insuring pastors so lucrative that they began their own insurance companies, like Lutheran Brotherhood, boosting what offerings brought in & improving their bottom line. 

Today, though, clergy are as tough to insure, & often tougher to insure, than other occupations.  We were never at the top of high-risk occupations, but now, we’re on the heels of firefighters, miners, professional SCUBA divers, & bomb disposal experts.  A few months ago I read that it’s trendy in England to shoot clergy. No kidding!  In an effort to save lives, the Church of England issued a directive insisting that Anglican vicars only wear their cleric’s collar when “on duty” (The Church Report, 10/10/07).  The fact is: I, personally, know colleagues whose lives have been violently threatened, who have been beaten & left for dead, & one (Pastor Dick Wills of Christ UMC, Ft. Lauderdale, FL) who was shot by a parishioner. 

Our frequency of cardio-vascular disease & cancer are now above average, & we divorce more than the general population.  I have colleagues married three times.  When the children of UM pastors grow up, 80% of them leave church.  (What’s happening there!?!)   Multiple reports document that 1,200-1,500 pastors resign ministry every month because of job-related stress or were forced out by a small cadre of 7 to 10 disgruntled congregants.  We’ve seen those things locally with the Schwenkfelder congregations & the former Christ UCC on Sumneytown Pike.  Add to this the generally low rate of pay, poor state of most parsonages, & the need for frequent moves when the spouse (not the pastor) is the main breadwinner, & one sees why Protestant clergy recruitment is so low.  At Annual Conference, we ordained eight pastors as elders. 25 retired. 

What so affected me are the pastors who told me that their biggest regret is having given others more time than they gave their families.  They celebrated other’s joys, but missed their own family’s.  They gave up their kids’ athletic events, concerts, scouting banquets, & tucking them into bed.  Do that long enough & no wonder preacher’s kids leave the church! 

Let me be clear: I’m not blaming congregations.  We, pastors, need to take responsibility.   It would have been easy for Abram & Lot to simply blame others, too.  Pastors, it seems, take more control of others’ lives, than our own.  Although we certainly aren’t alone in creating these family losses, there is a unique dimension for ordained servants of Christ who are his spokespersons.  How can pastors effectively preach about families when there is so much disarray under our own roofs?  Practicing what we preach is essential.

Frankly, this stuff can be overwhelming, & although it’s important to keep folks informed, I find no need to dwell on the negative.  If you want to learn more, go to the website & check out the sources listed at the end of this sermon. I don’t get into a funk about these things, nor do I cast judgment on peers who endure such difficulties.  I try to follow the lead of our two Bible heroes & work to prevent such losses.  Why?  Because, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

Many of my colleagues did not realize their losses until it was too late.  Abram & Lot realized what was happening & all of us can learn from them.  They addressed matters in helpful & healthy ways.  They quite literally set clear boundaries to resolve the concerns & have peace in the home. 

Pastors need to address life’s realities & the sheer number of such varied relationships that impinge upon us.  Otherwise, we set up ourselves for trouble.  Physically, we put ourselves at risk for health problems when we don’t set clear boundaries.  Emotionally, we put ourselves at risk to become bitter or take on a neediness by feeling owed & over-entitled, which can lead to more catastrophic events like mental breakdown, affairs, & the theft of church offerings.  Most of us know of at least one pastor who succumbed to these problems. 

Clergy have a calling to serve the Savior.  Sometimes that means we need a Savior.  It never means we need be the savior ourselves.  That job’s taken, thank you, Jesus!

For me & my family, this means more than taking a weekly day off.  It means listening to Deb & the girls when they say that they’re not seeing enough of me.  During Easter & Christmas & if there’s a crisis with someone in the church, they’re most gracious, of course.  If that busyness goes on too long, or becomes the norm, I need to act on the fact that they miss me, & not dismiss it as my family just being selfish.  The Roman Catholics call their unmarried pastors, “Father,” but only two parishioners here call me by that name!    

Another thing I do, that may come as a surprise to many of you, is that I don’t talk a lot about church at home.  So often one of you will mention to Deb a personal matter which you’ve spoken about to me, assuming that I’ve briefed her & she knows what you’re talking about.  Rarely is that the case.

I mentioned that the vast majority of PK’s (“preacher’s kids”; or TO’s, “theological offspring,” as Ken Dickinson calls them!) give up on God & the church once they leave the nest, if not before.  Why is that?

Well, I believe one huge contributing factor is when pastors talk about members of the congregation at the dinner table. In your home, when you talk about work or a problem at work, chances are that your spouse & children have never met the persons about whom you talk.  Yes, they may have met them at a company picnic or party, but in general, your family, co-workers, & clients don’t see one another weekly, as you & my family interact each week at church.

Over the years I haven’t talked about that church leader who’s making council meetings so unbearable.  My family doesn’t hear about the troubles which a staff member is having with me or with other staff.  Think about it: the person with whom I’m having an “issue” may be well-loved by Kira or Krista.   Or, when lay persons wrongly hurt one another, I don’t share my frustrations about them at home.  Deb & the girls will develop their own opinions, joys, & dislikes.  I don’t need to color their perceptions.  (I have the fondest of memories about the men & women at church when I was growing up.  I knew no different & I cherish those memories.  My kids deserve the same.)

Third, I’ve made it a priority to find colleagues with whom I can truly be collegial, with whom we can reciprocally share our joys & concerns.  For my entire ministry I’ve been with a group of peers, supervised by a licensed, Ph.D.-level psychotherapist who helps me personally, as a husband & father, & as a pastor.  Yes, you can say that your pastor has been in therapy for two decades!  I don’t want to find myself being a clergy statistic for addiction or divorce, etc. 

I love my Lord & my family.  I love you, & my calling to be your pastor, & my calling to ministry in general.  I don’t want to give up any of you & any part of ministry until the Lord decides differently.  Losses should not be based on my own failings, although regrettably, that happens at times. 

Much of how to do ministry falls solely on my shoulders, but one thing I ask of you.  Please keep me & Pastor Shane, & pastors in general, in your daily prayers.  This is one of the greatest gifts you can give us.

Abraham & Lot set the boundaries for all of us to emulate in our families.  Paul defined for Timothy how to live (out) those boundaries as an overseer of a congregation.  It’s not a matter of rules.   It’s a matter of love – loving God, family, & the extended family of Christ.